Women’s Day Blog: Self-love in the face of rejection | Beautiful Life Training and Community Development Association

Switching your Emotions

I found that healing from a lost love and moving on is a conscious and daily effort, to switch your thoughts from the love you have lost. Feelings of love for another is not fleeting, its rooted in a deep need for acceptance and affection which is human. But sometimes we girls try to fill that void in our hearts with attention from unavailable persons. It can become a cycle of pursing an unattainable love. Research has found pursuing lost love is often due to a lack of paternal love because of an absent father or an unhappy marriage and a lack of self-love.

So, when you pour out your love into another it is difficult to let go. As women we tend to invest our whole person into that relationship, and we see it as perfect and even imagine it to be the answer to all our emotional and physical needs.

We dream about being with the object of our love. Every song we hear makes us think about our lover. We follow him and make him our centre of the universe….so what happens when he leaves us for another?

Many times, we tend to hold on long after the romance has died. Hoping that the love of your life will come back. Even when all the signs say the opposite.

Join me for a Self-Love Exercise

Let’s get close and personal. I found it helps to make a conscious decision to say NO (in your mind and out loud) to the one who rejected your love. (You will notice I am using red it means danger! So, don’t go there!

What does that mean in practice? It means switching every thought of your lost love to another object. (And no, I do not mean to another lover).

When you think about said lover change your focus. Turn off the switch! You can do it trust me.

One’s brain can only focus on one thought at a time make sure it’s a positive thought. Don’t allow any thoughts of the love you lost or rejection to surface. Replace it with positive words of love and acceptance.

Singing my favourite gospel song and allowing the love of God to embrace me gives me a sense of acceptance and helps to dispel unhappy thoughts and emotions.

Yes, there will be times and many days of tears when you fully realise that the romance is over, and the love is lost and it’s not going to be rekindled, it’s hard to carry on. But letting go and accepting the end is part of the journey to healing your broken heart. This takes time, but this too shall pass. Be careful not to allow the process to be repeated by allowing the person who broke you heart to come back again (in your thoughts or in reality) only to reject you again. We need to protect our most valuable possession, i.e., our hearts.

I came across these wise words from King Solomon: “Above all else, guard your heart for it is the well spring of life.” Proverbs 4:23

How does one switch off those feelings?

Loving yourself is no easy task. We hear this many times, love yourself. But how?

For me it’s a daily process of saying it out loud. So, look in the mirror and tell yourself: I love you! (Insert your name here). Repeat it until you believe it!

Take time to write a love letter to yourself. And share your heart with yours truly. You are the most important person in your life. Focus on your strengths and beautiful attributes and enjoy who you are as whole person. You are not dependent on another but have inner worth and can live a fulfilled life on your own or in a mutual relationship of love and acceptance. But is starts with you, loving yourself and living in the present. And not allowing the past to rob you of a healthy future.

Change the Music

* When you hear that song on the radio that reminds you of Mr X simply change the station…listen to some upbeat dance music and get into your exercise mode…dance around the room and get some feel good hormones going!

* Exercise increases your overall health and your sense of well-being, which puts more pep in your step every day. Exercise also has some direct stress-busting benefits. It pumps up your endorphins. Physical activity may help bump up the production of your brain’s feel-good neurotransmitters, called endorphins.

Teamwork

You don’t have to dwell on your lost love alone why not join a group or volunteer.

Benefits of Volunteering

Research also has shown that volunteering leads to lower rates of depression and anxiety. Volunteering reduces stress and increases positive, relaxed feelings by releasing dopamine.

Friendship

Going solo is never easy, I found it helps to talk and connect with my female friends.

Share you heart with a trusted friend; you will find that they too had to learn to flip the ‘Switch’ and have turned off the ‘lost love emotional switch’ and switched to loving themselves and others in a healthy way thanks to the love and support found in sisterhood.

Quote: “I now see how owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do.” Brene Brown

Reach out and touch:

You’re not alone on this journey, I’ve been there and I will walk with you.

For counselling and support email me directly: Wendy@beautifullifecommunity.co.za